Kash,

When you work in customer support, you have the mantra of "be empathic" drilled into you. It is important to have for that role. When the goal is to help a customer solve a problem, seeing it from their perspective is helpful.

It can get frustrating at times because, since you are working with the software every day, things seem simple when they aren't for those who are less technically inclined or just new to the software.

Throughout much of my life, people have trusted me with their stories, often painful ones. Strangers too. I do not know exactly why.

One time I was sitting in the common room of my dorm at NAU. It was just me and this girl in there. She started talking to me and eventually started talking about how her dad died. I listened, and when she was done, I was basically like, "Man, that really sucks." She said, "Yeah, it does suck! I am so tired of people telling me they are sorry. It just sucks."

Berkeley's Greater Good magazine defines empathy as "the ability to sense other people’s emotions, coupled with the ability to imagine what someone else might be thinking or feeling."

Thus, two types of empathy are generally considered.

Affective Empathy: This refers to the sensations and feelings one experiences in response to others’ emotions, such as mirroring what that person is feeling, or simply feeling stressed when detecting another’s fear or anxiety.

Cognitive Empathy: Sometimes called “perspective taking,” refers to one's ability to identify and understand other people’s emotions.

For much of my life, I was really caught up in my own head. I truly had a hard time believing that people close to me actually loved or cared about me. Despite plenty of evidence that they did. I was always waiting for someone to have something better than me come along and forget about me.

My relationship with Kailee really helped in this regard. And my experiences with magic mushrooms (psilocybin) helped quite a bit.

Psilocybin is being used and further studied for use in treating psychiatric conditions like depression and PTSD. One reason it is helpful is that it enables people to have a "mystical experience," which is inherently subjective rather than objective. While commonalities exist throughout experiences, each is unique to the mind experiencing it and cannot be described to them, it must be felt and lived to have the intended effect.

I have partaken in psilocybin probably 30-40 times at this point. I can't anymore due to drug interactions, and it isn't as impactful while on my medication anyway.

Before medication, though, it often was very profound. I have never had a bad trip. Often I would feel this deep, overwhelming peace and connection to the universe and humanity. Deep gratitude for all the good amid the bad. It is hard to explain.

Having that experience and feeling connected, after spending so much of my life not feeling connected, was profound for me and my life moving forward. Especially for my relationships with others, because I felt connection and desired it in my relationships. They became more meaningful.

When growing up, I had plenty of friends and got along, but I was always anticipating rejection and loss, so I did not get as close as I could've. I still struggle with it, but I know now it is mostly fear.

My empathy really became something I paid attention to during the pandemic. I think that experience for everyone really showed who was an empathetic person and who was not. Not saying only empathetic people masked up and got vaxx'd, and vice versa, but people had to consider others' well being. Even if the ultimate conclusion was indifference.

I have been told I am an empath before. I don't think I am. I do think I am an empathetic person, and I care about people quite a bit. Empaths are sponges, though. They absorb and deeply feel what the other person does. They are heavy on the affective empathy.

I lean further on the cognitive empathy side of the pendulum.

I recently learned about the "Highly Sensitive Person" concept, and I think I identify with it much more.

It is more a personality trait than a condition.

A highly sensitive person (HSP) experiences heightened sensitivity to physical, emotional, and social stimuli due to a more attuned nervous system. This personality trait affects about 20-30% of people and is linked to deep empathy, creativity, and potential overstimulation from stressors like noise and light.

The nervous system thing does seem real for me. Years ago I learned about rejection sensitivity dysphoria, which is often associated with ADHD. Basically, it means your nervous system reacts much more strongly to rejection or perceived rejection and that does feel true for me. It is why I didn't really ask out any girls growing up.

I have a really hard time with it. Especially if I feel ignored, like when someone doesn't text me back. Getting better at it though.

HSPs have a rich and complex inner life. Deep thoughts and contemplation, rumination, and strong feelings. They form deep bonds with others, with empathy being a key factor in the development of these bonds.

Due to heightened sensory processing, they often become overwhelmed in highly stimulating environments. Even for simple things like lights. I hate the big light, and legit one of my biggest fears about going back into the office is the light and the temperature not being under my control.

I am currently sitting at Logan's dining table, with the light off (it is 10 am, there is natural light). Around this time yesterday, he came and asked if I needed the light on. I was like, "Why? You know I like it dark." It isn't even that dark.

Society's lighting expectations are driving me crazy.

Anyways,
Garrett